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Joke of the Day

"Lost my watch at a party once Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl, not on my watch"

"What did the hat say to the scarf? You hang around here while I go on ahead."

"At trial, a Volkswagen engineer is called to the stand to explain why they participated in the 'clean diesel' debacle. He claims he is not guilty. He said he was just following...odors."

"An original joke about Mathew and Not-Mathew. Me:Mathew and Not-Mathew were on a boat. Mathew fell off the boat. Who was left? You:Not-Mathew. Me:Yeah Mathew was the one who fell out. Idiot."

"Dead babies What's worse than a dead baby nailed to a tree? One dead baby nailed to ten trees!"

"What's black, smells and has 17 tits? The bin bag outside the breast cancer ward."

"An obese man was standing naked in front of his doctor He said ""Doc. I haven't seen my dick in 3 years"". Doctor said ""Then why don't you diet?"" The fat man replied ""What color is it now?"""

"What do you call a hydrocarbon that tells fart jokes? Crude Oil."

"I treat my body like a temple.. That's been destroyed by ISIS"

"*dims the lights so you look like your selfies*"