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Joke of the Day

"My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell today! Technically he said, 'Less McDonalds' but I'm pretty sure I knew what he meant."

"I'd accidentally kill myself within 3 minutes of owning a light saber."

"*gets into any creepy van* *Gets kicked out*"

"My Girlfriend Has Always Wanted To Wake Me Up With A Blowjob So today I woke her up with one"

"""Maybe again but kind of bad?"" - sequels"

"Why can't you find good quality clothing on the Iron Islands? They do not sew"

"Why did the blonde have a red sore on her belly button? Because blonde men are idiots too."

"Losing weight to be attractive is weird. I see you shrunk your body slightly. Now I want you."

"One girl did a presentation in hittites and she went through while presentation... straight faced calling it ""high-titties"" everyone was losing it and she couldn't figure out why."

"(fairly gosh darn NSFW) Yeah, so, I'm a necrophiliac, right... .....I *had* a girlfriend, but the rotten cunt split on me."