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Joke of the Day

"[with my pet bird at the park] Hot girl: omg ur duck is so cute Me: *covering mr quackers ears* he's a mallard u idiot get away from me"

"What do you call a pall bearer in Oklahoma? A karaoke!"

"Kanye West is now on Twitter. Since he doesn't follow anyone, not only will he not let you finish, he's not gonna let you start, either."

"What's the difference between a wife and a dog? The later you get home, the happier one is to see you"

"When life gets you down I realize that you might feel overwhelmed. Bur remember, when life gives you lemmings.... toss them off a cliff"

"How does Michael Jackson Beat It? With the Jackson Five"

"My Dad was the town drunk, ... and we lived in Chicago."

"Some patients are going to die, & you have to learn to accept that. It's just part of being an extremely bad chiropractor."

"Little Mermaid: I want to be where the people are Me: trust me u dont"

"Let's play the Oscar Pistorius drinking game Whenever your girlfriend goes to the bathroom take a shot"