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Joke of the Day

"[with my pet bird at the park] Hot girl: omg ur duck is so cute Me: *covering mr quackers ears* he's a mallard u idiot get away from me"

"Why do people like amputee porn? It fucking stumps me."

"I saw two really fat people today talking... Looked like a heavy discussion"

"Mom, why am I black? - Mom, why are you, dad and everyone else in the family white, and I'm black? - The party was so crazy you should be happy you don't bark."

"What's the difference between a vegan, a crossfit instructor, and a psychological test subject? The test subject is the only one you'd willingly ask to ""tell us about yourself."""

"I should write a personal apology to the employees of the sewage treatment plant for what I just sent them."

"Is it a blow job or a blowjob? Fuck I hate writing thank you cards..."

"What was John Lennons final hit? The pavement"

"God damn it Adolf... I told you to pass me the juice not gas the jews!"

"I gave away all my dead batteries recently... ... free of charge, of course."