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Joke of the Day

"God damn it Adolf... I told you to pass me the juice not gas the jews!"

"How many perverts does it take to put in a lightbulb? Just one, but it takes a doctor and two nurses to get it out."

"[wedding] i wrote my own vows *removes paper* ""chickety china the chinese chicken"" whoops wrong one *2nd paper* ""if i had $1,000,000"""

"If we're talking & I start running my nails up & down your arm, I either really like you, or I'm looking for an artery close to the surface."

"How do you get everyone to click on your post? [NSFW] Put [NSFW] in the title."

"Trump is the 45th President of the United States. Aren't you proud fellow Americans."

"What's the difference between a blow job and anal sex? A blow job will make your day but anal sex will make your hole weak."

"Her: u have a choice its me or the megaphone Me: fine Her: good Me: [puts megaphone directly to her ear] I THINK WE SHOULD SEE OTHER PEOPLE"

"My kids decided to move a piece of furniture to a random spot, I wonder how much it will cost to fix whatever they're covering up"

"""I really should buckle down and get my rap album going"" -Me, every time I drink"