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Joke of the Day

"911 Worker > 911,What's your emergency? Man > My wife is going to give birth! Worker > Is this her first born? Man > No,it's her husband *Ba Dum Tss*"

"Why did the communists trip over? Because they were Russian!"

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."

"The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse."

"What does a blonde woman is doing with her ear bonded to the wall ? Listening *house*."

"I know what it's like to be pulled back from death and appreciate life more since I dropped my cell phone in the toilet and it still works"

"Why has Stonehenge been there since 2000 BC? because it's stoned."

"What did the lesbian pirate say to her peg legged girlfriend? Scissor me timbers"

"I was starving earlier so I opened up a beanbag chair. There were no beans, only styrofoam. Im furious, Im hungry and I have nowhere to sit."

"I'm thankful to live in a time where I can use social media without having to use social skills."