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Joke of the Day

"An undertaker says to a bereaved husband When did you realise your wife was dead?' Well,' he replies, the sex was the same but the dishes just kept piling up...' from Internet."

"Half-Life 3 is getting made."

"What's the best thing about Switzerland? I don't know, but their flag is a big plus."

"A man asked his wife ""what would you do if i won the lottery?"" She said ""take half and leave your ass."" ""Good,"" he replied. I won twelve dollars, here's six, now get out."""

"What will the sequel to Lake Placid that takes place 50 years later be called? Lake Flaccid"

"What do you call an octopus that fights sharks? An octobrave. I'm sorry."

"when I run out of spoons that tells me its probably time to do the dishes .. or quit heroine, whichever."

"My mom always said that I'd never find a man dumb enough to marry me. Well, I showed her..."

"You know your getting old when you drop something on the floor and instead picking it right back up, you just stare at it for a min or two..."

"When people use the wrong homonyms it irritates me I know the pane, I've been their before."