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Joke of the Day

"lookin for a quick and easy way to beef up that scrawny bod and really turn some heads at the beach? float dead in a lake"

"Do you know why I have airplane-mode turned on on my phone all the time? 'Cause I'm so fly"

"What do you become when you run out of coffee? Depresso"

"[ignores the worlds evils] Oh wow this is a lot easier"

"If hillary wins, trump supporters can at least take solice in 1 fact. Bill clinton is going to be the first lady."

"Argument with a woman is like reading the Software License Agreement... . . . . . At the end, you ignore everything and click 'I agree'."

"What do you call a magic owel? Hoo-Dini!"

"M.Night Shamaylan Joke When you go to a regular movie, a friend asks you ""so how good was the movie?"" When you go to an M.night Shamylan movie a friend asks "" So how bad was the plot twist?"""

"A Woman's tongue & Man's eye, will rest' only when they die."

"[first date] Me: that is hilarious Date: ... Me: wait, bread or dead? Date: how would my parents be bread?"