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Joke of the Day

"What do women and stones have in common? You skip the flat ones."

"My friend Opie owns a pizza restaurant. Wanna know why it's so successful? Because Opie delivers."

"[first date] HER: I'm really into guys with ambitions ME: *trying to impress her* that's perfect, I have two frogs"

"Q: What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency? A: She turned it over and used the other side."

"Why do aspirins work? Because they're white."

"A physicist sits down at a bar. What does he order? Ein stein"

"Wrote ""I wanna rock!"" on every answer to this Geology test and they made me a tenured professor with a beard and an Indiana Jones hat."

"What's the difference between Victoria Taylor and Arnold Schwarzenegger? One was fired, the other was terminated"

"All I want from life is to be able to respond ""crystal"" when someone angrily asks me if they've made themselves clear."

"I just made the greatest construction-related pun of all time Works on so many levels"