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Joke of the Day

"They say that sex relieves stress. Not true. I had sex last week and the police have been after me ever since."

"face down ass up that's the way I like to contemplate the fragility of my existence"

"A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life, to be thankful for a good one."

"Doctor doctor I'm so ugly. What can I do about it? Hire yourself out for Halloween parties."

"Christopher walked walks in, he sits down and says... Hey. Guy. I threw a hotdog down, the highway. The hooker, was already dead."

"Bad: Getting bit by a spider... Worse: ...inside your mouth... Worst: ...while making out with someone."

"I lit candles & put a trail of rose petals all over the house in confusing patterns so my husband can't find me drinking in the closet."

"What do you tell a metal head who's walking on an icy street? Slip not."

"I intend to live forever. So far, so good."

"Its not pretty being easy."