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Joke of the Day

"What is E.T short for? He only has little legs."

"It's not stalking if you don't put it in park."

"In honor of Pi Day: Who founded the round table? Sir Cumference"

"I invented a new sex position called ""The Donald"" You grab her by the pussy and fling her over a wall."

"Being hungry again a half hour after eating Chinese food isn't about the food being Chinese, it's about you being American."

"Ah yes keep complaining the guy at 7/11 doesn't speak English well enough, like you aren't the moron who needs help in a convenience store"

"What do Russian women get from their husbands that's long and hard on their wedding night? His last name."

"Who would win a football game between the 1989 Raiders and a team full of U2 lead singers? Bonos."

"I removed the shell of my racing snail to make it go faster. But it just made it more sluggish."

"When the doctor told me that he had fitted a thermostat instead of a pacemaker, I was livid. It made my blood boil."