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Joke of the Day

"Your wife and your lawyer are drowning, you have a decision to make.... Fish or chicken for dinner?"

"[snapchat HQ] Boss: anybody got anything good? Guy (who smoked weed instead of working): people with big eyes puking rainbows?"

"May the f... ...orce be equal to mass times acceleration."

"Caller: Operator! Operator! I don't know what's wrong with my phone but I can't make long distance calls any longer! Operator: Don't worry. Your long distance calls are long enough already!"

"What do you call a tuber that buys his girlfriend chocolates? A sweet potato."

"There are three men on a boat with a pack of cigarettes and no matches. How did they manage to smoke? They threw a cigarette overboard, and made the boat a cigarette lighter"

"How did the blind kid burn the side of his face? He answered the iron"

"What happened after the word bank was robbed? There was a run on sentences."

"Retweet this if you think they should make gallon sized Caprisuns and have it still be a squeezable.. Think about it."

"Why do proctologists like Facebook? It's another chance to look up old friends."