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Joke of the Day

"""Will you just be doing simple abductions? Do you need soundproofing? Shackle package?"" - van salesman"

"Why wouldn't Samus go below Brinstar? Because she was a-Kraid to. Now I think about it, this joke is a bit more ""Riddle-y,"" than say an actual joke."

"You're like a magnet... Your fatass is always on the fridge."

"it's 2:36 am i'm hiding in my bathroom smokin bongs by myself ladies and gentlemen i didn't ask to be a winner , god just chose me to be one"

"how do you reference your local humane society on twitter? ""##"""

"A Mexican goes to a Chinese restaurant... He sits down at his table, and notices a small bottle of black liquid on his table. He picks it up and looks at the label and says, ""yes, you are."""

"Whenever I meet a pretty girl, the first thing I look for is intelligence because if she doesn't have that, then she's mine."

"What kind of cheese is best to watch Lost with? Smoked Muenster."

"Have you heard the joke that they don't tell assholes? Oh, no? Nevermind then."

"Whenever I have sex, it's a race to see who comes first. Me or the police."