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Joke of the Day

"A hot mess? No, thanks. Sounds sticky and uncomfortable. I prefer my messes like I prefer my revenge: cold and served to someone else."

"Is it wrong to hate a certain race? I don't mind running a 5k, but my friends want to run in a 10k and I don't like 10ks"

"Osama Bon Jovi"

"Q: What did the dinosaur say when he saw the volcano explode? A: What a lavaly day!"

"Friends and family sometimes said I was a kid stuck in a man's body. The police say I'm a man caught in a kids body."

"You know what they say about blind prostitutes... You really gotta hand it to them."

"I like my women like I like my student debt Always there and constantly fucking me"

"Thought I was having a good hair day. Mother Nature likes to keep my ego in check though. She's really good at that."

"Did you hear they are planning to legislate that all time-telling devices should indicate numbers only as Roman numerals? Not on my watch!"

"Do you want to know a good Jewish wine? Ma, when are we going to Miami?"