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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear they are planning to legislate that all time-telling devices should indicate numbers only as Roman numerals? Not on my watch!"

"What's round and hard and full of acidic semen? A Jewish submarine."

"I was going to sue U2 for stealing one of my songs But I found out my lawyer was pro-bono."

"When a homosexual man becomes brain dead, is he a fruit or a vegetable?"

"I found a spider in my shoes. He looks ridiculous, they're way too big for him."

"Whenever I meet someone for the first time, I avoid telling Titanic jokes because they're terrible at breaking the ice."

"My most redeeming quality is the fact that I return bottles for cash."

"When you're single expiration dates are more of a suggestion."

"How do you draw an Overwatch character? You Tracer."

"Dead baby joke What's the difference between a dead baby and mistletoe? I don't hang mistletoe at Christmas time"