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Joke of the Day

"[holding baby] haha oh whoa i thought he'd be slimey but he's really dry"

"Why did the scarecrow get an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!"

"hi What did the painter say to the paint can? A lot of good you are . (the joke is that the paint can is empty)"

"What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde? After you slap it, a mosquito will stop sucking."

"A group of people asked me to make a joke about barometers but I couldn't handle the pressure"

"Try talking to a dog without asking it a question. Go ahead, I dare you"

"Why did the cow jump over the moon? To get to the Milky Way!"

"Your face. There's a bat for that."

"To the fat people who get offended when someone makes a fat joke, I have two words for you: Lighten up."

"My safe word is ""keep going."" It's led to some HILARIOUS miscommunications let me tell you!"