112944

Joke of the Day

"My roommates are concerned that I'm using all their kitchen utensils.. but that's a whisk i'm willing to take."

"Never trust an atom They make up *everything*"

"How many reposts does it take to change a subreddit? More than we have now. This sub is still shit."

"You did not have a valentine on valentines day? Some people don't have a mother on mother's day or a father on father's day so shut up."

"Unexplainable things: 1) Stonehenge 2) ESP 3) How my car insurance company can magically lower my renewal cost when I threaten to leave them"

"What did the LOTR fan say to the LOTR hater? What are you Tolkien about..."

"What asks no question but demands an answer? A doorbell or a ringing telephone."

"I dont downvote It's bad karma."

"The George W. Bush Library just opened... It uses the Doofas Decimal System."

"A priest and a rabbi are walking in the park. The priest turns to the rabbi and asks, ""How much do you charge for circumscisions?"" The rabbi responds, ""They're free, but I get to keep the tips."""