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Joke of the Day

"A man ended up in hospital today, covered in wood and hay, with a horse inside him. His condition is described as stable."

"They say money talks, but mine barely gets a chance to introduce itself before it's gone."

"A midget was escaping prison... A midget was escaping prison. I watched him as he climbed over the fence. On the way down he smirked at me. I thought to myself, ""well that's a little condescending""."

"""Sorry my phone died"" -something I've said 5,326 times but it's never actually happened"

"What is the best tool for getting a handle on your gambling addiction? A vice grip."

"So, I've recently started a whiskey diet... I've lost three days already."

"A man walks into a mental hospital wearing nothing but plastic wrap. The clerk says to him, ""You definitely belong here, I can clearly see your nuts!"""

"Now that I'm older, I realize that my imaginary friend was really nothing more than an imaginary acquaintance."

"I once had a dog, that no matter what I tried to teach him, he only ever learned the the command ""shake"". He had Barkinson's disease."

"Q: What is the difference between Liverpool football and a tea bag? A: The tea bag stays in the cup longer."