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Joke of the Day

"Now that I'm older, I realize that my imaginary friend was really nothing more than an imaginary acquaintance."

"A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.... A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, ""Is this some kind of joke?"""

"The ex wife once told me her greatest fantasy was kneeling in front of me while I spurted all over her. She never mentioned it was my blood."

"The masochist said to the sadist, ""Hurt me!"" and the sadist said ""No."""

"[throwes some foam packing peanuts into a pond] ""HEY! NO LITERING--"" shh wait [a flock of rubber duckies float over squeaking excitedley]"

"If Tumblr was edible It would have alot of trans fat"

"I say ""parched"" so everyone knows I'm thirsty AND an asshole."

"I tried clicking on the 'NEW' tab... It just said 'Nothing to see here'."

"What is the volume of a disk with radius z and height a? Pi * z * z * a"

"I'd tell you a joke about statistics But the punchline is probably outside your range."