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Joke of the Day

"Now that I'm older, I realize that my imaginary friend was really nothing more than an imaginary acquaintance."

"[sees crush] Oh you're going to the mall? Wow weird me too. I totally need a new *tries to think of something at the mall* escalator"

"*walks into hospital carrying baby* ""What's your return policy on this thing?"""

"A C and a C++ walked into a bar... The C spilled his beer all over the C++'s shirt. Outraged, C++ shouted, ""Good god, man! Have you no class?"""

"My 4 year old is a comedian and loves jokes.. this is her favorite one... Why did the banana go to the hospital? Because he wasn't peeling very well."

"I hear something. Do you hear that? HERE COMES THAT BOI OH SHIT WADDUP!"

"I hate being used as a thesaurus. A mate just asked another term for ""monkey dung"" and I went apeshit."

"No thanks, newborn babies of literally any species on planet Earth. Come back when you're less pink & rubbery & can loan me thirty dollars."

"What do you call a fat asian? A chunk. (Chink)"

"A punchline walks into a bar. Hello, you have reached the punchline, leave a message after the tone. **beep**"