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Joke of the Day

"My nephew asked, ""What's the secret to a long life?"" I said, ""Never order vegetarian in Texas"""

"Life is too complicated in the morning."

"Mary had a little lamb. She's not a vegan anymore."

"Why do you have to wait so long for a ghost train to come along? They only run a skeleton service."

"What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck"

"Do you know about Bassist heaven? I've never heard of it"

"Relationship status: I shout ""PIZZA'S HERE"" so the delivery guy doesn't think I'm eating two pizzas by myself."

"Looks like someone spent more time at the gym than in English class..."

"I'm sexually attracted to metal boxes with locking systems. But don't worry. It's safe sex."

"Kids wont go to sleep so I'm playing hide&seek. And now they'll never find me, because they aren't old enough to drive or get into this bar."