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Joke of the Day

"What's an author's favorite drink? Tequila Mockingbird. (Yes I know it's horrible :P)"

"Hanging out with fake, toxic people is like running a brothel for diseased cats. I don't do that shit anymore"

"What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef! What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef!! What do you call a cow with two legs? YOUR MUM!!"

"Maybe Jesus went black, and that's why he isn't coming back."

"*takes cat from pocket of doctor's coat & holds it over patient* He has finished his scan. He says he doesn't like you & you have cancer."

"When a relationship becomes too much work can you outsource the work to China?"

"What's the opposite of ennui? Off-ui. from *Gilmore Girls*."

"I recently took a hepatitis test... I kicked ass, too. I got two As, a B, and a C!"

"TIFU ...by posting this in the r/jokes subreddit."

"My parents were nihilists, but I knew they loved me... ...Because when they died, they left me nothing."