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Joke of the Day

"What's an author's favorite drink? Tequila Mockingbird. (Yes I know it's horrible :P)"

"So far 42 out of 43 presidents actually ran for office. FDR just kind of rolled himself in there."

"Procrastinating?! Don't even get me started!"

"CARTOON VILLAIN: how did you know it was me who robbed the bank COP: you were literally carrying around giant bags with dollar signs on them"

"How about we don't pick a president this time and everyone promises to behave themselves."

"*interrupts your class* Girl sorry to embarrass you, but I wrote this for you *whips out guitar, fucks up intro* wait. *tries again* wait."

"Why does Santa have an enormous sack? He only comes once a year."

"Whats the most unlikely line to read in the bible ? The characters in this book are entirely fictional."

"Whats the difference between a pizza and a Jew? The pizza doesn't scream in an oven."

"April fools day on a news channel Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off."