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Joke of the Day

"[Me as 911 Operator] *phone rings* I wait for it to stop ringing and text back ""what's up"""

"[feeding baby] Here comes the plane! *baby swallows food* wow you just ate everyone on board. way to go you little jerk"

"Imma be, I'm a be, I'm a be, Imma, Imma, Imma be... Just kidding, Imma wasp."

"Why do black men only have nightmares? Because the last black man to have a dream got shot."

"There are 170 billion galaxies in the observable universe yet this woman claims this hummus is ""everything"""

"What did the Mexican Fire Chief name his two sons? Jose and Hose B."

"TRUE STORY: woke up around 3am with a great idea for a tweet; this morning found a note reading ""Hills, they are nature's stairs!"" Please RT"

"Dogs have 10 expressions for ""I love you! I love you!"" and cats have 10 for ""I hope you die slowly in a fire but feed me dinner first."""

"What do birds order when they go to Starbucks? Flappaccinos."

"There are teenagers having unprotected sex, but have cases on their cell phones. Just let that sink in for a moment."