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Joke of the Day

"Imma be, I'm a be, I'm a be, Imma, Imma, Imma be... Just kidding, Imma wasp."

"I was up late last night watching Philadelphia with Tom Hanks... ...We were the finalists in a cream cheese staring competition."

"Why don't seagulls fly by the bay? Because then they'd be bagels"

"At the bar I got into a factual debate with another patron. He pulled the ""I have a PhD"" card. Now he has a PhD AND a fork in his eye."

"Oh, what? Sorry. I was trying to imagine you with a personality. "

"Q: What is the difference between a banjo and an Uzi submachine gun? A: An Uzi only repeats 40 times."

"me: hello darkness my old friend darkness: you are going to hate me but I forgot your name"

"I'm sorry to hear your uncle was run over by a boat in Venice while on vacation. My gondolences."

"My mum told this hilarious joke whilst we were taking groceries into the flat ""Take multiple trips"""

"""I can dish it out, but I can't take it."" - Lactose intolerant ice cream man"