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Joke of the Day

"How do you find Will Smith in the snow? You look at the fresh prints."

"I don't like how funerals are usually at 9 or 10 AM. I'm not a mourning person. Edit: WHY THE HELL DID THIS MAKE THE JOKES FRONT PAGE"

"[febreze commercial Take 1] We've blindfolded Steve and brought him into this room where we brutally murdered his family a week ago to demonstrate the strong odor fighting power of Febreze"

"I saw this advert in a window that said: ""Television for sale, 1, volume stuck on full."" I thought..... ""I can't turn that down."""

"What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman ? One is a super hero and the other is a simple command."

"If you are following Facebook on Twitter, you have reached a new level of retarded."

"GF: What a perfect night ME: It gets better *bends on 1 knee* Will you... GF: OMG yes! ME: *puts Space Jam DVD on her finger* put this in?"

"What do rich people and bad flossers have in common? Deep pockets."

"The spider I let live in my kitchen is letting the bugs run amok. No free rides! Your days are numbered missy."

"Two retirees meet in a cafe. The first retiree says, ""Hey Stan! I didn't see you at the doctor's yesterday. Are you sick?"""