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Joke of the Day

"""Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all the scabs that were on your arms?"" ""Shut up and eat your cornflakes."""

"In an alternate universe there is only one movie about falling in love, but thousands about swapping faces with John Travolta."

"My elephants got no trunk ? How does it smell ? Terrible !"

"What was I like in high school? You know that guy who drove a Camaro and banged all the cheerleaders? I'm the reason he passed calculus..."

"Why did the pervert cross the road? His dick was stuck in the chicken"

"If you are looking for a bad girl, I have been known to shop at the art supply store on days they aren't having a sale..."

"You see two puppies. ""Awwwww!"" But they're cannibal puppies! ""Ahhhhhhh!"" One puppy eats the other! ""Ewwwww!"" Then he takes a nap. ""Awwwww!"""

"I'll say ""HELLO PUPPY!"" to your dog, but you'll get the awkward half-smile."

"Today I was told that I sing like an amputee. Apparently I can't hold a note or carry a tune."

"What do you call a bad pun? Punishment."