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Joke of the Day

"If Donald Trump thinks America doesn't win anymore, he can tell that to Marvin Walters who won $100,000 playing Fun 5's in the Ohio Lottery!"

"A 900 kilogram pumpkin fell on a local man today. Reports say he was squashed."

"Keep your friends close but your enemies closer. No closer. Become one with your enemy. You're now your own worst enemy. Don't freak out."

"Why was the healthy potato not allowed on the plane? He was on the ""No Fry"" list."

"My Grandfather has hearing aids. He got it from phone sex."

"Policeman: Didn't you see the signs with the speed limit? Driver: I thought they were just suggestions."

"Two deer walk into a bar... The first deer says, ""Hey, wanna go to a party?"" The second one says, ""I'm game!"""

"June is over? Julying."

"If farting under the covers is a Dutch oven... is doing it in the shower a German oven?"

"It took my wife six hours to push out our first child. The fat bastard can live elsewhere now."