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Joke of the Day

"Me: Heeeeyyyyyy Judy, good morning! *scratches Judy's back, wiping off my Cheeto fingers* Judy: Hi!!! How are y..... Me: *walks away*"

"Hot singles in your area are tired of it all. Just so tired."

"What's the difference between a black man and an archealogist? One is a nerdy digger."

"Why shouldn't you take away a hobos shit? It might be his lunch."

"Seriously wondering how many times is it appropriate to say ""What?"" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?"

"What do Princess Diana and Pink Floyd have in common? Their last big hits were The Wall."

"Clinton fan: Emails? That's all you've got? Me: She sold the Saudis the jets that are massacring Yemenis Clinton fan: Emails? That's all you"

"When I die, I'm not donating my body to science, but I might donate it to the English department and freak the shit out of some people."

"When you feel sad When u feel sad.... To cheer up just go to the mirror and say, ""damn I am really so cute"" u will overcome your sadness. But don't make this a habit..... Coz liars go to hell !!!!"

"What goes clip-clop clip-clop bang!? An Amish drive-by shooting."