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Joke of the Day

"Surreal, wtf, insane Repost: Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stamp out fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks. lolwut Any similar?"

"Have you guys seen the Petrified Forrest? Those trees are scared!"

"[dinner party] *host clinks glass* ""Everyone we're having a baby""! *whispers to other guest* ""Oh come on! I told them I was a vegetarian."""

"For what I lack in imagination, I more than make up for in something else."

"*maintains eye contact while checking 'Dating Librarians For Dummies' out from the library."

"I still have no idea what the fuck Grape Nuts are supposed to be."

"""Well I'll be damned."" said atheist when rapture happened."

"Why is divorce so expensive? BECAUSE IT'S WORTH IT!!!"

"Statistics say there's a gay guy in every group of friends. I think it's Tim... he's got a great ass."

"The Inuits don't deal with your crap, because they're having Nunavut."