65970

Joke of the Day

"[dinner party] *host clinks glass* ""Everyone we're having a baby""! *whispers to other guest* ""Oh come on! I told them I was a vegetarian."""

"Proud of myself. I only ate 1 brownie today. I mean, it was cut up into 8 very large pieces and took up the whole pan but yeah, 1 brownie."

"Chief cop: ""This might be racially motivated."" Ian: ""Hate crime?"" Chief cop: ""We all hate crime, Ian. That's why we are cops."""

"Everybody just wants to get off... ....This elevator because that guy stinks"

"I think the term copycat serial killer is a bullshit term. They can't kill the same people as the other guy"

"I went to the Space and Air Museum in Indiana... I paid $20 just to see an empty warehouse."

"What did Jesus say to all the Indians before he left Don't do anything until I get back."

"What paper product speaks really quickly? Wrapping paper."

"How many hookers does it take to screw in a lightbulb One hooker at a minimum. However the light bulb must be big enough for two people to fit inside"

"[Sci fi movie] How did you travel such a distance so fast? ""I went through a wormhole."" Worms in the audience: Omg this is so unrealistic."