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Joke of the Day

"How did Jamie find Cersei in the long grass? Satisfying."

"Do you have hair around your nipples? Is it particularly in the hair-eola? ... I came up with this the other night while half asleep. Be gentle."

"Threw my new neighbors a house-warming party... The police called it arson. Whatever..."

"What are the similarities between hiring a prostitute and bungee jumping? It's both expensive, short and when the rubber snaps you're fucked."

"What made me become a baker? I kneaded the dough."

"My neighbour was rushed to hospital today after a wasp landed on his face. It didn't sting him, luckily I got it first with my shovel."

"Me - I'm not in the mood to work today My bank account - you better GET in the mood"

"I left my .door file open for too long. It was a .jar."

"I nominate Chris Brown to dump a bucket of boiling hot water on himself & to raise awareness for domestic violence."

"[commercial for tupperware] Are you done with that food, but would rather throw it away in 3 weeks rather than right now? - Tupperware"