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Joke of the Day

"Whoever decided to use pantyhose as a bank robbing disguise must have had one hell of a speech to convince his buds to follow along."

"I didn't fall for you, you f*cking tripped me"

"Birthday present A little boy's parents asked what he wanted for his upcoming birthday. The boy thought about it and simply replied ""I wanna watch"" So they let him"

"Ten Ways To Tell If Your Kitchen Is Haunted: 1.) Flying forks 2.) Pre-fried eggs 3.) Fridge moaning/wailing 4-10.) Ghosts"

"Dandruff. Plastic bags. Dish soap --> things more interesting than my friends' Facebook updates"

"I'm selling a parachute just as new, used only one time, didn't open once."

"The amount of stuff coming out of this woman's handbag as she searched for her keys, I wouldn't be surprised if that missing Malaysian plane is in there too."

"Seal loses electron Did you hear about the seal that lost an electron? It's now a seal ion."

"A giant porn conspiracy has been uncovered.... It was run by the illuminaughty"

"Sometimes I like to leave seafood restaurants clutching my stomach and whisper ""Don't order the fish,"" to people waiting for tables."