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Joke of the Day

"BREAKING: An egg. I'm making scrambled eggs."

"[standing at the hospital nursery window with other new parents] ME: this zoo is terrible"

"Why isn't there any knock knock jokes about the United States? Because freedom doesn't knock. It rings."

"""Pick a lane! Any lane!"" - I hate commuter magicians."

"What did one saggy boob say to the other? We better get some support over here or people will think we're nuts."

"Two wrongs don't make a right But two wrights make an airplane"

"I was going to make a dubai joke But all the good ones are overused, emirate?"

"I'm always extra nice to the guy who used to deliver my mail. I'd hate to get into a fist fight with an ex-professional mail boxer."

"Go to Target for shampoo. End up leaving with a blender, new pajamas, a couch, four kids and a car."

"Why can't some snakes get boners? Because they have a reptile dysfunction."