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Joke of the Day

"What did that cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend? Wiped his ass"

"Why are you on /r/Jokes? What arrr ya buncha pirates or sumthin? *tssssssss*"

"How do you organize a Space Party? You Planet!"

"I know that as parent you're supposed to listen to your kids but most of what they say is such horseshit"

"Did you hear about the new shark food restaurant called Jaws? It costs an arm and a leg to eat there!"

"My girlfriend wants a Christmas Gift she can wear... I'm going to give her a facial."

"What do we want? FLEXIBLE WORK SCHEDULES THAT ACCOMMODATE FAMILY LIFE! When do we want it? [Unintelligible yelling of different dates]"

"I dated a woman once. Most confusing twenty minutes of my life."

"I wont play GI Joes with my nephew until he learns to play it right. He's 4 years old, he should know better than to drag Vader into this."

"Every time I glue uncooked pasta together, a macaroni angel gets its wings."