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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute? Your job still sucks! And it sucks *hard*. ( )"

"I went to Thailand... Saw a hot girl in the bar. I kept telling myself ""don't get a erection, don't get a erection"". After 5 mins, it happened.. She got a erection"

"every year you pass your birthday and know that you were born that day but every year you pass your death day and have no clue"

"*wakes up w/phone in hand* Me:[texting] Sorry I fell asleep on ya last night *text chime* Couch: I'm like right here why are you texting me?"

"I just got a new job at a gay magazine. I'm a poofreader."

"I hate every child in a commercial."

"I'm not saying she's fat... ...but if I had to name the top five fattest people I know, she'd be three of them."

"If you say 'my cocaine' really loudly, you will sound exactly like Michael Caine saying his own name. I will never get tired of this."

"Why are Jewish Men Circumcised? Because Jewish Women won't buy anything unless it's 25% off. You're welcome Reddit"

"Two Calamari Two calamari walk into a pub. Bartender asks, ""What'll ya have?"" ""We'll have a Hurricane and a Sex On the Beach"" says squid A. Bartender pauses and says, ""That'll be three squid then."""