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Joke of the Day

"Two Calamari Two calamari walk into a pub. Bartender asks, ""What'll ya have?"" ""We'll have a Hurricane and a Sex On the Beach"" says squid A. Bartender pauses and says, ""That'll be three squid then."""

"What do you call a man with one arm? Hand Solo"

"It's not funny when a First Lady runs for President. It's Hillary-ous."

"I asked an Indian man how to make his amazing Naan bread. He was like ""Naan of your buisiness bitch!"""

"[Interrogation room] Good cop: ""Confess and we will go easy on you"" Sweet tooth cop: ""You bes- *hears music* -ICE CREAM MAN!"" *runs outside*"

"Did you ever hear about the guy who got both his left arm and left leg chewed off by bears? Yeah I saw him a few weeks ago, he's all right"

"A star walks into a black hole... ... but it doesn't seem phazed. The black hole turns to the star and says, ""Sir, I don't think you understand the gravity of this situation."""

"How in the hell do Chinese people see when they're high?"

"If you see a hot girl walking you should honk your horn to let her know you're intrested and afraid to talk to girls."

"My wife asked me if I was going to take a shower before we go to some friend's house for the evening like she didn't see me get in the pool."