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Joke of the Day

"It has been said that 25% of people have a distrust of stairs Because they are always up to something"

"How does a witch make scrambled eggs? She holds the pan and gets two friends to make the stove shake with fright."

"Hey people who design vacuums- Why the headlight? Are people vacuuming in the dark? or riding them on the freeway & I just havent seen?"

"*sees a hot girl on the train* ""ay gurl check this out"" *i try to seductively eat a banana but i miss my mouth & smush it into my forehead*"

"If you have your Twitter account linked to Facebook I don't think you understand what it is we do here."

"[first day as aquarium guide] Me: & here's 8 snakes biting a soccer ball Guy: that's an octopus Me [sighs]: fine. 8 snakes biting an octopus"

"Me: Are you still wearing pajamas? Go change. 4yo: *Goes upstairs *Comes down wearing different pair of pajamas"

"How long does it take a necrophiliac to screw in a light bulb? Not long... they like to do it while it's still warm."

"s/o to the first person who saw a horse and was like ""YO i wanna sit on that thing and make it take me places"""

"Now a Days never ask a ... Never ask: ... A Woman Her Age.! . > > . A Man his Salary.!!! . . . ANd Now a days.... A students , His Percentage... . Its hurts source: http://www.newgags.com"