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Joke of the Day

"I just had a call from a charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world I told them to fuck off. Anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving."

"What do a woman and a grenade have in common? Pull off the ring and the house is gone."

"What do a mosquito and my ex have in common? They both try to suck you dry, try to have babies with your DNA, and then you find them sucking off someone else."

"They say laughter is the best form of medicine. Well unfortunately my insurance doesn't cover it."

"A naked man broke into a church this morning... After a 30 minute chase, the police finally caught him by the organ."

"I like my women like I like my eggs. Beaten."

"Wife was feeling kinky last night so she got naked and I tied her to the headboard, then me and my buddy ordered pizza and played X-Box."

"[maid of honor speech] Never thought this day would come! Remember when you came home early & he was wearing your bra & panties [mom faints]"

"What did the magician say when he a did a magic trick on the spaghetti? Pesto chango"

"How to play the Michael Brown drinking game Just stand there and take the 8 shots."