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Joke of the Day
"What do a woman and a grenade have in common? Pull off the ring and the house is gone."
Next Joke
"Causes of childhood anxiety: 4% Bullying 9% Inability to puncture a Capri Sun pouch 87% Musical Chairs"
"Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are on a sinking boat, who survives ? America"
"""What are you doing? Are you writing down everything I'm saying?! IS THIS GONNA BE A SONG?!?!"" -anyone dating Taylor Swift"
"I unplugged my carbon monoxide detector from the wall today All that beeping was giving me headaches and making me feel nauseous"
"When a chemist says you're gold...... ......it just means you're easily replaceable"
"An egg and a sausage are frying in a pan... An egg and a sausage are frying in a pan. The egg turns to the sausage and says, ""It's getting hot in here!"", and the sausage replies ""Wow! A talking egg!"""
"My favorite palindromes I've come across are tit and boob."
"I won't beheading to Iraq anytime soon"
"I want this Twitter account to outlive me by 100 years. I want my grandchildren to read my Tweets and say, ""Holy fuck. She was so weird."""