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Joke of the Day

"Why do baked bean cans contain only 239 beans? Because if they had one more, they would be 240."

"Hello, you've reached 1-800-NARCISSIST, how can you help me?"

"At first I couldn't get used to all the plants in my living room... But I think I started growing into it."

"Q: How can you tell when a blonde is dating? A: By the buckle print on her forehead."

"What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!"

"PERIOD! how can you tell the Romanian woman was on her period? she was wearing one sock"

"Where's the ""It's Complicated"" box to check off on this tax form?"

"I'm starting to think the guy that gave me directions to the train station was just talking to someone on his Bluetooth."

"The early bird might get the worm... But the second mouse gets the cheese."

"Banker: You're sure you want a reverse mortgage & get how it works? Me(imagines bank making huge unaffordable payments to me for years): Yes"