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Joke of the Day
"You're not considered an alcoholic if you're married."
Next Joke
"Don't you hate... Don't you hate when a sentence doesn't end the way you think it testicles?"
"Unshakable Fact # 3 Having a cold drink on hot day with a few friends is nice, but having a hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks - Fucking PRICELESS."
"I know some folks who could use a 12 step program. Where 11 of those steps should be to the edge of a cliff."
"""I am Santa Claus."" ""No you're not."" ""Yes I am."" ""Ok."" - Miracle on 34th Street in tweet form."
"I was nervous about meeting new people on a cruise... ... until I realised, we are all in the same boat."
"There are two types of people in the world... Those that pee in the shower, and those that are filthy liars."
"So I asked my grandma I asked my grandma if she had ever tried 69. She said, ""No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night."""
"It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There is clearly room for more alcohol."
"The first woman on the moon. ""Houston we have a problem."" What? ""nevermind"" What's the problem?? ""nothing"" Please tell us!? ""You know what the problem is."""