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Joke of the Day

"What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? Hang onto your nuts, because this is going to be one hell of a blow job."

Next Joke
 
"My ex wife still misses me... But her aim is getting better!"
"[talking to myself in the mirror] ""You will not be awkward today."" Person: ""Hey"" Me: ""Good. How are you?"""
"What's Natalie Portman's favorite element? Thorium."
"Why did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate the food before it was cool..."
"I was thrown out of the hospital for improper conduct with children Apparently dressing up like the grim reaper and pointing at anti-vaxxer's kids isn't okay."
"A husband came home with half gallon a of ice cream and asked his wife if she wanted some. ""How hard is it?"" she asked. ""About as hard as my dick,"" he replied. ""Pour me some."""
"fired for ""unleashing rats at work"" which is bull shit first off because they don't make leashes for rats"
"You Gotta Hand It To Leave Brits They were so concerned about immigrants ruining their economy that they preempted it and ruined their economy themselves."
"What do you call a holy man who works at McDonald's? A Friar"