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Joke of the Day

"It's so humid today I keep expecting a southern lawyer to do his closing argument."

"[Calls Ex-Girlfriend] Remember all those hair-ties and Bobby pins you lost? Well, I found all 5,000 while moving."

"The janitor squints at the unfinished equation, picks up the chalk and scrawls methodically. Soon all the eights have top-hats like snowmen."

"This is awesome. Must watch! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uMDasvrKXdM&list=UUoSaAvzfqFYlMCBrBDCLiRg"

"I asked my friend what he does for a living. He said, ""I cut the arse off a cow and cook it."" At least he's making ends meet."

"What do you do if an elephant swallows you whole? Run around until you get pooped out. :)"

"Why aren't these people with Ebola doing the ice bucket challenge? Don't they want to get better?"

"This will make you groan.. I like to travel a lot, and last year I flew and visited Hiroshima, Japan. It was fairly cold that day so it wasn't the best day, but it wasn't the worst...."

"If you want to become a beatboxing champion, try zipping up a tight dress."

"Instead of ""Who's your daddy?"" I accidentally said ""How's your daddy?"" and we put our clothes back on and discussed her father's cholesterol"