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Joke of the Day

"[Calls Ex-Girlfriend] Remember all those hair-ties and Bobby pins you lost? Well, I found all 5,000 while moving."

"I'm Winston Wolf, I fix problems. So I hear you're having a bad hair day."

"Why do Jewish guys get circumcised? Because Jewish women love anything 10 percent off."

"A woman is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The male cashier says: ""You must be single."" He got fired."

"Michael Gove as Education Secretary"

"Seems like ladies hate being asked how their Thanksgiving was, no matter how playfully I pat their stomachs."

"What's worse than 1 slice of burnt toast? The holocaust."

"Necrophiliacs love going out on expiration dates."

"My jeans say ""no more Christmas goodies"" but my leggings are like ""we got you, gurrrl"""

"My wife got mad at me for my long-term addiction to watching Bruce Willis movies. I told her old habits die hard"