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Joke of the Day

"My cat hasn't used the litter box in days. I have no idea where, or if, he's been pooping. I guess I have some shit to figure out."

"Did you hear about the midget that finally came to terms with his homosexuality? He just came out of the cupboard."

"I like to sit on my hands until they go numb so it feels like somebody else is doing my dishes."

"On a scale from Casey Anthony to Jerry Sandusky... how much do you like kids?... Somewhere around a Ronald McDonald, I pretend to like them but slowly kill them with diabetes"

"What's Irish and stays out all night? Patio furniture."

"So, I saw Simba walking today.. and he was walking too slow. So I told him ""C'mon! Mufasa""! Edited for a bit more for clarity.."

"Why does Hillary Clinton secretly want to lose the election? Because if she wins, she'll have to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood."

"Why don't native Americans like snow? We don't like anything white on our land."

"An Irish guy in front of me said, ""Whale-oil beef-hooked"" I don't know what any of that has to do with forgetting your passport.."

"Did you hear about the movie with the Red Tractor? The trailer was better"