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Joke of the Day

"My poem: I dig, you dig, we dig, she dig, he dig, they dig. It's not a very good poem, but it's very deep."

"I caught someone stalking me so I stalked them right back. It got awkward sitting in the same tree staring at each other."

"The sincerest form of flattery is having a robot from the future sent back in time to kill you. Imitation is a distant second."

"I always carry a clump of my hair in my pocket so when people say ""I like your haircut"", I can respond with, ""Thanks, here, have some."""

"""Sorry I didn't have a chance to clean up the place,"" I say as I wave dismissively at the chalk outline drawn on the living room floor."

"What do you call a guy that never farts in public? A privet tutor"

"I love everybody. Even you, insecure person reading this hoping someone loves you ... even you."

"Why did the tea-bag fall down the hill? To steep."

"*brings donuts to work* Co-worker: I have a gluten allergy, so I have to watch what I eat. Me: Cool, then you can WATCH me eat this donut."

"Christmas Presents I told my girlfriend that every time we had sex I would add a dollar to how much i would spend on her christmas present, so far she's getting a McChicken."