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Joke of the Day

"Finding that one slob at the gym who's in worse shape than you is the best feeling. The worst is realizing ""he"" is a mirror."

"Interviewer: What's your strength? Candidate: I fall in love easily. Interviewer: What's your weakness? Candidate: Those blue eyes of yours."

"Why was the floppy disk self-conscious? Because it was FAT."

"Whenever my children question my knowledge on any subject, I just remind them that their mother is older than the Internet."

"i take valium & viagra so if i dont get a fuck i dont give a fuck"

"What sort of undergarments does a succinct pugilist wear? Boxer briefs!"

"What happend when the bike ran over a nail? It popped a wheelie."

"Whats the difference? Whats the difference between mash potatoes and pea soup?... Anyone can mash potatoes..."

"I had a job building porta-potties I had a job building Porta - potties But people would shit all over my work"

"Talking to a Beaver So I was talking to a beaver one day about how I was homeless and told him I was looking for a new place to live. He gave me this commiserating look and said, ""Well dam."""