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Joke of the Day
"Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited until you try to sit in their pews."
Next Joke
"Rent in the city is getting ridiculous. I pay $775 to live in a barista's beard. I have 3 roommates."
"Why doesn't Usain Bolt have a girlfriend? Because he's literally the fastest man on earth (get it cuz sex)"
"Deadpool was Green Lantern Batman was Daredevil Captain America was Human Torch And we're just gonna walk around like EVERYTHING is OK???"
"A magician was driving down the road. He turned into a driveway!"
"[high school sex ed class] *scoffs* When are we ever going to use this in real life"
"I have kids now... Their parents must be angry."
"I'm rich! But not in money, just in read receipts from my ex-boyfriend who never replies!"
"Sometimes, watching Spanish language TV is like dating. I can only understand every third word they say, but the boobs. Dios mio, the boobs!"
"[Being kidnapped] Me: i can feel it.. Stockholm syndrome kidnapper: its been 10 minutes me: should we invite your brother to the wedding?"