109036

Joke of the Day

"[first date questions] You like meat? I make killer beef jerky with leftover hobo carcasses...and she's gone Whatever she's probably vegan"

"I lost my job at the calendar factory. My boss said it was unacceptable that I'd taken a few days off."

"DOC: good news is you'll make it ME: phew! DOC: ...into the the record book for stupidest way to die ME: *still vomiting marshmallows*"

"What do you call kids born in whorehouses? Brothel Sprouts"

"Teacher: What comes after 69? Student: Mouthwash. Teacher: Get out."

"How much do I trust reddit? I went on /r/starwars before seeing the new Star Wars."

"Where will Miley Cyrus go when her showbiz career is over? twerk"

"Why did the Country Bear Jamboree bear blush? Because he was a bear a-singing. ..... I am at Disney with the kids this week..."

"An abacus isn't exciting, but it's reliable. You can always count on one."