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Joke of the Day

"Why did the Country Bear Jamboree bear blush? Because he was a bear a-singing. ..... I am at Disney with the kids this week..."

"Birds shit on us because we tweet better."

"When a cop asks if you know why they pulled you over, smile, take their hand in yours and say, ""Sounds like somebody needed a friend"""

"[gathers around casket and see's it's full of gatorade] uh oh, then that means [grandma's body is being dumped over the winning coach]"

"Why can't you use sarcasm with a kleptomaniac? Because they take things literally."

"I carry a magnum size condom in my purse like a modern day glass slipper. Some day my prince will come."

"If you're in love with 2 people, pick the second one, If you really loved the 1st, you wouldn't have fallen for the 2nd."

"Dark humor is kinda like food. Not everybody gets it."

"What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers? Well hung."

"On her deathbed my wife said, ""Sweety, I will see you in Heaven."" Since then I have kicked a puppy, stole from 4 shops and set fire to an orphanage.!"