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Joke of the Day

"Cop: Know why I stopped you? You didn't, the brakes did. Cop: But do you know why? Cuz I pressed the pedal with my foot? Cop: Get out."

"If I had a time machine I'd go back 10 years and tell myself ""Write down the names of all the people you loan stuff to."""

"I know this guy just hit the walk button, but I'm gonna hit it again b/c he looks like an idiot who can't do anything right."

"How do you sink a polish ship? you put it in the water"

"Just had to re-watch the Rousey v Nunes fight... Because it finished before I did"

"It seems those Trump supporters... Have some egg on their faces"

"First Woman On The Moon... First woman on the Moon: ""Houston, we have a problem."" What? ""Never mind"" What's the problem? ""Nothing"" Please tell us? ""You know what the problem is."""

"Michael J Fox and Taylor Swift dated, but broke up Don't worry, they're both going to shake, shake it off."

"Canada's navy"

"How many hipsters does it take to change a light bulb? it's a pretty obscure number.... i'm sure you haven't heard of it."