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Joke of the Day

"My friend and I went to a guitar clinic recently. He really seemed to be into it. I guess it struck a chord with him."

"My girlfriend was really excited about sex but said we couldn't because she was on her period... .. I turned back and declared ""The only thing a period stops is a sentence."""

"How do you know your girlfriend is too young?[nsfw] When you gotta make the train noise to get your cock in her mouth. EDIT: just helping you guys find your limits"

"The pig jumped into bed with my 6-year-old all by herself. It was super cute. Then the pig threw up all over her. Considerably less cute."

"Why are pedophiles so annoying? they're just fucking immature assholes"

"Ugh I hate the bathroom at this mall. There's not a single urinal. Just a bunch of women screaming."

"Why do you always follow your instinct when doing trigonometry? Beacuse you might have secant thoughts and go off on a tangent"

"My friend is addicted to Time-Travelling But he reckons he can stop at any time."

"[pinned down by sniper fire] Squad leader: I'm going in. Hughes, lay down some cover for me Me [putting a blanket on the floor]: you betcha"

"My parents once made me smoke a whole pack of cigarettes in one sitting. To teach me about brand loyalty."